I am gutted beyond belief. What started out as a day that I had hope and some joy in has become an exercise in sorrow and pain.

The vet called us back at 11:30 to say that they had tried to do the ultra sound but there was a large amount of fluid in Max’s abdominal cavity and it was unable to give a clear conclusion. He said that it seemed likely that the trouble was caused by 1 of 2 things: a tumor or a perforation of his intestines or bowel (and that his body was trying to cope with it). Not great news. He said that since they had him there for the ultrasound they could do an exploratory and see if they could confirm which it was (and ideally treat it).
We gave the go-ahead and Dr. Bamber said he would give us a call (or the other surgeon would) when they knew what was there so we could decide what to do. He called us back about an hour later and gave us the news–and again it wasn’t good. Max had hundreds of tumors inside (which he said was mesothelioma). The fluid in his abdomen was caused by the tumors, and that the sheer number of them and the stage of his cancer progression made them inoperable. He also stated that this particular form of cancer is non-responsive to chemotherapy in cats. He asked us what did we want to do. I asked what the treatment options were and found out that at his late stage there weren’t any aside from palliative care which would primarily be for mark and I since they would only be drugs to try to keep Max from feeling the pain (which he obviously was feeling). With this in mind, and drawing on our previous experiences with Skinnykitten’s CRF & Pudgy’s squamous cell carcinoma and realizing that Max was in pain, and that there would be nothing we can do to make the situation better, we decided that it would be best for him if we euthanized him.
Mark & I are understandably in pieces and we drove out to be with Max when he came out from anesthesia so that we could be with him. The vet had offered to do it while he was still out from the operation but both of us (mark & I) were really horrified at that thought. I had told Max I would see him later and what kind of asshole-ish thing to do would that be?? No, I wanted to be there, and to pet him and do my best to make him know we love him and that it really was what had to be done. I didn’t want to see him reach the stages that both Skinnykitten & Pudgy had. After they had died I knew I had been selfish and waited far too long so I really didn’t want Max to suffer along because I can’t let go. Mark said it wasn’t the easy decision but that it was the right decision, and that it was about what was right for Max.
So, unfortunately that is how it went. We came and brought his pillow from home, we loved him and gave him as much of our loving & petting as we could, and, when the time came we watched Dr Bamber push the drug into his IV and shortly he was gone. My beautiful, furry, lovliest-loving-est Boy, was gone. And FUCK Hawking. There is an after life. Max is going on to a higher plane of existence (and I will find him again, someday).

So those of you who count yourselves as friends or even acquaintances, please, I’m asking that today/tonight/ if you can spare a moment to wish him well. It would mean a lot to me, and if there are any of you with a candle to burn for him, to light his path, I would appreciate it.

I am, and Mark is too–unutterably sad at this. It was so completely unexpected, and we were so unprepared for it.

The only joy I have had was knowing I laid in bed most of the night petting Max and having him sleep and cuddle on my arm. My Boy.
Let me tell you how I got Max (humor me, huh, please?)
When I got Max it was December 2002. It was Christmas eve day and I and my then fiance drove from Blizzard-y Albany, NY to Philadelphia, PA to get him. I don’t remember now exactly what the rush was, but we were off and had him the same day and home again.
He was 1 of 2 remaining kittens of a litter. And when we got there I saw one healthy, robust kitten and one shy, scared and puny kitten. My then-fiance said he knew as soon as we saw them which one I was going to pick. Guess I’m a sucker that way.
He played with the other kitten, and I, of course set about coaxing little Max to come forward and play. He slowly came out and yea, he totally stole my heart. (I need to find my baby pics of him–that was in the days before I had a digital camera)
What followed after that was months of medical bills for him. He was a sick baby and needed lots of help getting healthy. It took time and a lot of roast beef (he loeved rare roast beef) and I got him pretty healthy (and utterly spoiled). But hey, I was a single girl (yea, you know) and all I really was living for at that point was my kittens and writing & dolls.
Max had an amazing amount of curiosity and intelligence. He would come up with new games and ways to get our attention (and what it was he wanted). I won’t bore you with all of those but I will say I have never known a cat like him, or as creative as he.
And did I mention that when he was a tiny kitten I had him learn to sleep on one of the pillows of my bed (hey, full size bed–only one person in it–lots of room for cat-pillows!) I used to have to sleep with one ear open because of all his respiratory problems (and I’m a worrier. I was always worried he’d stop breathing b/c he sounded like a tiny Darth Vader!!!)
Anyway, at some point I knew he was feeling a bit better because I’d woken up one morning and he’d chewed half of one of my braids off (I slept with my hair in braids then). D’oh. I wasn’t too impressed but I didn’t blame him–he was a kitten, y’know?
And his ears—his ears = the softest, fluffiest & most acute at hearing—ever!

Pudgy & Skinnykitten never liked the fact that I got him and from his arrival he was persona non grata in the apartment. They all learned to get along, and love each other in their ways. Max, for all that he grew to be a giant-ass cat never really seemed to take on board that he out-weighed and towered over the other cats. To him he was still the little boy, and to me too.

When I met Mark and he came over to “meet the kittens” (because, yes, they were the all together best barometer for if someone was a piece of shit or awesome) I was so happy that not only did pudgy & skinny like Mark, but even Max, the shyest, scaredy-est-cat of them all (even though he was huge) liked Mark. They’d obviously decided he was a winner! (and then you know the rest of that story).

Mark and Max developed a real rapport with each other that I hadn’t expected. Mark was always willing to go along with Max games (even when they involved waking him up in the middle of the night by biting his toes, or dropping a drinking straw on his face. Yes, there was love there. The most obvious was that Max adored it when Mark would give him head massages, and Mark would love it when Max would condescend to sit on his lap and purr.
And Max was there for Pudgy kitten, and after she passed on, for Electra as well. Even though she is hell-on-wheels, he was always patient and gentle with her.

I love everything about him. He was always sweet tempered, loving and willing to let me pick him up and love him (or cry on him, depending on what was going on in my life) and I don’t think I could ever have asked for a better son (if a bit furry).


I thank Max for the lessons he’s taught me, and I hope I did well by him and that he still knows beyond all doubt that he IS loved and treasured.
Blessed Be.
Erica