Look folks, my depression exists.
It sucks and sadly life sucks too when I’m having a mde (major depressive episode).
I went into crisis over the weekend. Long story short I was looking hard for reasons not to cause harm to myself, and to that end I left the house early in the am in my pajamas and went for a long, long walk in the freezing rain and my slippers. My husband found me at some point and took me home and I was just a gibbering wreck who hurt so much that I couldn’t really grasp where things were connected or not. I left the house because I wasn’t safe and I was struggling not to use my scalpel knife and do it right, or I was going to go start the car in the garage and just sit in it until the carbon monoxide did the job. I walked instead. and walked. and cried and walked. I am glad I live on a rural road.
Yesterday I met my new psych/med manger. That was a hard step to take, but much needed. He put me on new meds and took me off other meds. The good news is that I got to be seen before I lost total control of myself, and I got the help I needed to keep me hanging on a while longer. I am hoping the new meds and management will help me get back onto an even keel and not be so ground down and tired and able to get things done.
I know the blog has been quiet, and that I really haven’t bothered to post anything. I will try to get back into it although I don’t know how much longer I am going to do the Etsy shop thing. If I can continue on an upward swing I’ll keep it open. If not then I’ll put it on hiatus again.
I’ll post again when I have something upbeat to say.
love you all.