NDR: When everything seems to be too much…

Look folks, my depression exists.
It sucks and sadly life sucks too when I’m having a mde (major depressive episode).
I went into crisis over the weekend. Long story short I was looking hard for reasons not to cause harm to myself, and to that end I left the house early in the am in my pajamas and went for a long, long walk in the freezing rain and my slippers. My husband found me at some point and took me home and I was just a gibbering wreck who hurt so much that I couldn’t really grasp where things were connected or not. I left the house because I wasn’t safe and I was struggling not to use my scalpel knife and do it right, or I was going to go start the car in the garage and just sit in it until the carbon monoxide did the job. I walked instead. and walked. and cried and walked. I am glad I live on a rural road.

Yesterday I met my new psych/med manger. That was a hard step to take, but much needed. He put me on new meds and took me off other meds. The good news is that I got to be seen before I lost total control of myself, and I got the help I needed to keep me hanging on a while longer. I am hoping the new meds and management will help me get back onto an even keel and not be so ground down and tired and able to get things done.

I know the blog has been quiet, and that I really haven’t bothered to post anything. I will try to get back into it although I don’t know how much longer I am going to do the Etsy shop thing. If I can continue on an upward swing I’ll keep it open. If not then I’ll put it on hiatus again.

I’ll post again when I have something upbeat to say.
love you all.
E

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7 thoughts on “NDR: When everything seems to be too much…

  1. it’s been a bad year all around. I’m sorry it’s hitting you so hard, but glad to hear you are getting help. I hope things improve and stay better. With love and best wishes.

  2. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been going through such a hard time. You’re past one hard step. Best wishes for the days to come.

  3. *hugs* I know I rarely comment on here but if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m always about. 🙂 Depression is a right pain in the arse but I’m SO happy to see you’re getting help for it! <3

  4. Hang on tight Erica….you are one of the brightest lights I know! Remember, following the deepest darkest storms come the most beautiful and spectacular rainbows!! <3,<3,<3 Take one day at a time and know that the storms clouds will pass…just give them time.

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